


Leaving Behind

by LilaVeritas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Karasuno, Mommy Issues, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Yachi Hitoka-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28185396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilaVeritas/pseuds/LilaVeritas
Summary: Yachi writes a letter to Madoka, no she doesn't she will never see it, it's for herself.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Leaving Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I'm doing.

Hitoka writes in her journal 

Dear ~~mother~~ Madoka,

I don't know why I'm writting this when I know for a fact that you won't see it, after all I'm making sure of it.

~~I'm not sure I think of you as my mother anymore.~~ (That's not true.)

You're not my mother anymore, and although I have great friends and family I don't think I'll ever feel complete again. I know losing dad was hard, I understand with ease he wasn't the best, but he tried; and at the moment is more that I can say for you.

I miss you? Or I miss younger you.

I'm not telling you to stop working, I would never suggest that I know how much that means to you.

~~I don't like being like you.~~ ~~~~

_To some extent..._ I understand it.

I get lost in my drawings and editing software sometimes, lighting and ideas float around my head and save me the pain of thinking about you; volleyball helps too when my mind doesn't repeat your words of me being incapable.

I don't want to be like you.

Dad used to say I looked like you fierce and kind, incredible, lively, some of those adjetives don't describe you anymore.

When I was a child, you taught me a lot, you taught me to be brave, to stand for what I believe in, to be kind, to work hard, to be responsible and to take care of what is mine, what I loved.

Too bad you couldn't take care of me.

I'm still grateful of what you taught me.

When dad died, my birthday went pass, you didn't realize, I celebrated my 14th birthday alone, I bought myself a little cake with money because you forgot and when the dinner I made for your birthday went bad I should have understood it.

Last year I got sick, badly. 

I tried calling.

To no avail.

I tried calling.

I fell like dying and suddenly the fact that my teachers could step in because of the volleyball club saved my life.

I stayed 3 days in the ER, but you don't know that.

I doubt you even care, but I wish you did and only for that I'll tell you what happened.

I didn't go to school for two days, not to academics and not to the club, they called and I didn't answered, they called you...

**You didn't care.**

Hinata offered to check up on me, he knew my adress after all, he knew where the spare key was, he came and I was passed out in the middle of the living room, head throbbing, not steady breathing and he called the emergency services and the team.

"Be careful managing your stress level"

It was just stress and tiredness they told me but I doubt it, I was sad, all because of you and you couldn't show up, I felt so bad I didn't cook, I didn't clean, and suddenly I understood how alone I felt and how _powerful_ kindness was and will ever be.

Karasuno cleans the house and cooks for me, for the week, they tell me to tell them if I ever need a break or a breather or support, and I don't cry, I smile them.

Not because I don't want to but because I am surprised, because long LONG long ago care wasn't something I hadn't realized it was missing.

This year I cook mother's day dinner again, and you don't come I eat it alone, and If I make chocolates and give out flower drawings to my friend's mothers. And it doesn't bother me how easily the lie rolls off my tongue.

"Yeah, I gave her a special piece, carnations and made dinner. Of course have a great day!"

I am 18 tomorrow.

I made some choices.

I am 18 tomorrow, I'll graduate in a few months, I've chosen a career and a university to assist, I have a scholarship and I have a job, I'm moving in with Kei and Tadashi into an appartment, is not the best and rather small but it works for now.

If I ever decide to be a mother, although unlikely I hope to be better than you as harsh as it sounds.

She closes the notebook 

* * *

If Hitoka spends her 18th birthday around other 4 people in a cramped appartment but happy.

Well, that's not Madoka's bussiness, is it?

Not when she forgot her birthday once again.

Not when she receives compliments and happy birthdayds from classmates.

Not when Hitoka receives one gift from Shimizu, a small pendant in form of a star, from Daichi, Suga and Azumane is a software editing book, from Takana and the rest of the second years is a coupon for her favorite favorite coffee shop, from the underclassmen is a bunch of stationary, from the two new managers Hana and Kai give her a pen with her name engraved and a thank you note for helping them into the management position.

But her group, her group gives her an album and it is full of live and she couldn't be happier, every page a memory. By now, they now life is hard, won't get easier, they know about her mother situation but it'll be fine.

Hitoka is glad she has met such incredible and kind people to help her navigate life.

* * *

Madoka comes back to an empty of her daughter house.

There is a drawing of her surrounded by carnations, roses, sunflowers and daisies that reads happy mother's day on the counter, and there is also a messy scribbling in a neon green sticky note that reads:

_Graduated, living with two of my friends, into college._

_Thanks for everything Madoka._

_With apreciation._

_Hitoka._

Madoka understands right there and then that she lost her daughter and to some unknown extent is her fault.

Madoka asks her daughter's adress but Hitoka's friends don't trust her easily, they don't give it to her, so she asks for a favor, a gift that isn't meant for any intention just a gift for her daughter.

Madoka buys, gives the bag to the freckled kid and hopes for the best.

* * *

Hitoka doesn't talk to her but every so often she'll use the gifted camera, less than her notebook, less than her pen, less than pendant, but it's used.

They know.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment if you liked it and found ir sonehow!
> 
> If I write more of this it's probably going to be little snippets.


End file.
